It's a bit early tho..

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proudly saying that I woke up at 5 in the morning today.

Well actually, mom did.

Sigh. What a relief. I thought I would be in a hurry today. I still have more time to take, to pack my things, and to make sure that I didn't forget anything important for my trip. I cannot tell you about it first because I'm afraid I might jinx it. Oh I'm so exited.

Yay me! Am goin home.

...
Belated Christmas Party

Last night, My cousins, mom and I went to the community Christmas post party celebration. I expected it to be boring because it's full of older people whom you see in a church every week. But it's good. One of the great things, it was a buffet party. I enjoyed coaching my cousins to win some games, and finally cracked jokes in front of my mom without even arguing in the first place. When I saw the kids dance, I laughed inside my head. I remembered that I once did those things. It's soothing that sometimes, you share your moments with your family without worrying for tomorrow.

And the best thing of it all?

Mom and I had a picture together.


Once.


No, twice. :)

and p.s.
There were no arguments, debates. Just pure talk, pure sharing, pure love. Oh I love my mom.

My Merry Christmas

Before I would say anything about my indespicable complicated life, I want to greet you and your family a MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!! May you embrace God's love throughout the season and for the coming years. :]

Last night, I was about to breakdown and I almost lost my hope for some reason. The only mistake I did was not coming to church with my mom. I didn't make it till the last day. I was upset yesterday and locked myself inside the room for a very long time. I told my mom I was going to sleep in the middle of the day and wake me up before they leave so I could watch the house. I really didn't sleep. I cried, think, think, think. I guess being irritated since you woke up would really affect your whole day. I was thinking the whole time I am alone and I felt stupid. Stupid of me to feel so down and unlucky. It's just a small spin dude. I told myself. Compare yourself to other people Jazmine, you're still lucky. You have your family with you, you have a home to spend the rest of the chilling night, you even have a 200 peso meal in your table. What more can you ask for? Look at other people, they don't have anything. Yeah. I'm still lucky. And I really feel stupid. You can't blame me, I get used to some things I know I couldn't live without. I finally decided to come out and cook something for dinner. I don't want to be sad. I want everything to be happy. Even though I am still irritated by the situation, I know I will manage myself to surpass this obstacle. Mom and my cousins went home past nine. She run towards me in the kitchen. She hugged me. She cried on my shoulders. I have to be strong for her, I'm her only wall against weakness and fall. I can't explain the emotions I felt for the whole time we have each others arms, and all I can tell you is I am happy. Happy. Happy. Happier than before.

The real spirit of Christmas doesn't depend on what you are in need of. The essence of the holiday is unexplainable.

Thanks to Meldan, Ada, Cielo, Erick, Eden, Mark, Yayan, Ralph, Sebastian, Chikka anonymous user, Mom, Karla, Ino, Liza, Denz, Denver, Carlo, Ellaine, Miguel, Ishang, Joss, and all the people who remembered and wished me and my family all the best things in life. Thank you so much. We may seldom see each other but I'm super touched for all your presence.

Indeed. it's a Merry Merry Christmas for me.

ILOVEGOD. Happy birthday Jesus. All of you up there rocks! :]

...

Hangga't ako'y humihinga, may pag asa pa.-Bamboo, hallelujah

ironic

Last night, I decided to breathe new air and went out with mister Nonoy and his guy friends. DVD marathon and junk food galore. Mister Nonoy and I had a bathroom challenge. Whoever goes to the bathroom more often will be the looser. The price? The winner will be obeyed the entire time. I won. He went at seven, I only went three. We spent hours laughing our hearts out because one of his friends wouldn't stop cracking jokes. It was a great decision to hang out with him and his friends.

By the way, one of mister Nonoy's bald friend was hitting on me. before I bid my goodbye to his boys, he asked for my number. I didn't.

And today, at this very moment, I am crying in front of my computer. I want to scream. I'm really really really hurt. This is not supposed to be like this. This is not supposed to be my Christmas.

Ain't life's a bitch?

no holiness for this day

I woke up this morning quite good slash not. Run my daily routines smoothly. I went to hear mass at seven. I can't believe that some place had priest shortage so the minister will be filling in. When priests are missing, ministers and seminarians would preach about the day's Gospel. But this time, it wasn't about it. I really don't know what he ate this day that instead of preaching what's inside the Gospel, he preached his life. I'm quite surprised that he really didn't get my attention. Normally, when people talk about their lives, I would be curious and drop anything just to listen. He talked about his life in politics, him being a sinner, etc. etc. I never disagreed on anything he said on his way of living. But if I would tell you I liked it I would be sarcastic. The two things I don't agree the most is first, when he sang a really really lonely song. Aren't we supposed to be happy because we are preparing for Jesus' birthday? Our saviour is coming, do we really have to do things that would make us sad? From the last five masses I heard, they keep on telling us to be happy even though we have way so many unconventional twists in life. Be happy because God's most gracious gift will soon be arriving in four days. We should be jolly and feel the real spirit despite of the spins in our lives. Second, he told us something that God would never ever forgive. That hit me. Ever since when I was young, my family taught me to ask for forgiveness in all the things I do wrong. I believe that all sins can be forgiven, it only differs on the type of fate that would come for you to pay for your sins. I am not questioning his faith in the Lord. I never judged on anybody specially when it comes to the almighty. I just don't agree with his preachings today. Tomorrow, would be another day, another mass, I hope it would be normal.

I dreamed of three things last night, that's why I'm thinking maybe it's one of the causes of me being unstable this day.

One, I was having sex with one of my good friends which is not to be named.

Two, Vic Sotto was having a full body scrub treatment with Oatmeal flakes and cheese standing by himself in front of a huge mass of people including me, and it seems like I enjoy watching him scrubbing all parts of his body.

Three, My bestfriend and I joined on a cycling marathon naked. Eventually, I didn't know if we won the race. That's the part when I woke up.

Maybe I shouldn't stay up later than three in the morning. I really don't know what is happening to my dream lair nowadays.

Breakfast: coffee and pretzels
Lunch: liver stew (can you take it?)
Dinner: coffee and peanut butter cookies

Had lots of things lined up today. Gifts to buy, food to prepare for the coming Christmas party, dress to wear, cleaning of the house, room sorting slash compressing slash throwing out stuffs that I don't need much, and my year ender resolutions, I've been working on it for the last 3 months. Done some of it, and hoping for the rest to be cleared before the year ends. It was my mom's idea that instead of planning for a new year resolutions, list all the things you've been doing for the whole year try to change it slowly and one at a time. That's where the year ender resolution was born. It was working though, there are some things I could not resist of doing.

Here's some of the list of things I stopped doing.

. cut my hair
. broke up with someone
. smoking
. flashing on people I don't like to get along with
. winning arguments versus my mom
. being bitter
. goat scaping
. go kart
. paintballs
. losing on card games
. hiding from someone
. spending the rest of my savings on wrestling stuffs
. hating coffee
. controlled myself not to go out on a date

And for the rest of the things I've been doing, my fingers will get numb of endless typing. Maybe my keyboard will give up too. Got seven more days and a lot more things to straighten up.

Looking forward. Hoping. Believing. Dreaming.

...

My mom is my hero today. She rocks. I love love love her so much.

Woke up super late this afternoon, my head aches and everything around me is spinning. I went to a family friend's birthday party last night. The food was great, the ambiance is quite good, shameless singing in the karaoke, and meeting new friends. lasted 6 in the morning.



I can't believe I got pretty drunk.

the first Christmas joke



Congratulations! You may now claim your blah blah blah yaddah yaddah by clicking this link below. The first on the list in my inbox. The first joke I received this month. Oh, how I wish it's true, luckily, it's not.

***

Last night before I sleep, I uttered five things in my mind for the wishmaster. My never ending wishlist since I got the power to understand all the things around me. I always wish these things everyday when I wake up, before I sleep, when I'm sad, When I'm happy. It never changed.

1. I wish I have a new job. [it's not that I'm tired of my work. and yeah I wish that when I was younger.]
2. I wish strength for my family.
3. I wish that someone would help me figure out what I can't.
4. I wish for long life. [I really want to see what my own family could be.]
5. I wish to see my father personally.

I really don't ask for material things, I know I have to earn it. Wishmaster granted no. 2, 3, and 4 always when I ask for it. As for granting no. 1, maybe wishmaster's still happy in my field. And for no. 5, I wonder how long wishmaster wants me to wish it. It's been 22 years now, All I know is his name and he's four years older than my mom.

Honestly speaking, I'm still struggling in the quest for finding my father. I've already asked help from a lot of people, still I couldn't find him. I just want to see him in person, in my real life. It's OK if he will not acknowledge me as his daughter. I just want to see if we really look alike, if I have his eyes, If I have his lips, If I have everything that would make my mom cry when I'm furious because she tells me that I'm all of my father when I do that. Before when I was younger, I used to blame my grandparents and my mom. I blamed them for all of the reasons why I didn't know my father. Why they resist to answer my questions. Why nobody would tell me anything about him. It stopped when lightning hit me six years ago. err, not literally. It just made my mind clear. I will never ever forget the first person [which I was not related to] I told my problem about my dad. She's my psychologist until now. We seldom talk but when I call her, she knows I have something to clear inside of me.

By then, I learned to open my mind more. Not all things focuses on you and you alone. There are other people who has much worse things to deal in life. Mine is just one of the tiniest spins. There are some things that's unexplainable. Even if you insist on finding answers, you still won't get anything. My father left us for a reason, I just don't know what it is. If he has a family now, I want him to be happy in life. If he's dead, I want him to be at peace. Sometimes, I forget all the things about my father. The need of wanting to see him, to know him, everything. Maybe there are things which is really not meant to happen, I accept that. I really just don't know why every time Christmas is near, I think of him and the thought that wishmaster granting my no. 5 would be one of the greatest gifts I would receive. Still, I have to wait and hope and believe.

Birth is a beginning,
Death is a destination,
And life is a journey.
From innocence to awareness;
and ignorance to knowing;
From weakness to strength, or
From strength to weakness.
From offense to forgiveness;
From loneliness to love;
From pain to compassion;
From grief to understanding;
And from fear to faith.
Step by step,
A sacred pilgrimage.
Birth is a beginning,
Death a destination,
And life is a journey;
A sacred journey to life everlasting.

***

ada: hija, diba you drool over fanta before?
jem_pots: yep. you're going to send me one?
ada: look here first, then tell me if you still want one.

after watching the video..

jem_pots: [super hard laugh] gaga! what made you think fanta would come out of a Japanese guy's nose?
ada: don't you like it? ponsi flavor. new taste. new look. hahahaha!
jem_pots: you go ask first, after ako.
ada: kumakain ka nga ng ice cream na may catsup at gravy eh fanta pa kayang galing sa haching di mo iinumin?

Ada made me laugh my heart out today. And for sure she knows one of my secrets.

week ender

I'm down with a flu, Blogger had an outage, expecting red fairy visiting this coming weeks, my eyes were teary, my nose is big as my fist, had pimples all over my face, back and shoulders. Didn't eat for the entire day I'm, so tired of moving from one place to another, cramps the whole day, and my head is swirling like a roller coaster. what more could I ask for this day? Isn't this a lovely day for me?

and for the result, the moody monster's second week of December.


swirling monday


drowning tuesday


knitted wednesday

Those were my first three days. The rest for the whole week lies here. Sunday is for my creator no matter what. I hope this will not eat the rest of my December.

...

dear mr. internet server [fuckers] fixers,

I know for sure that you have lots of subscribers to attend to. I may not have the most highest package you offer, still I have the right to complain because my bills are updated. I never miss paying any bills you sent me every month. I make it to the point that whenever you ask for my payment, I am ready. I even managed to pay you in advance sometime. I just want you to hear my plea. It's been more than three weeks since your connection started not to work properly. Iv'e tried giving my IP address to one of my friends who specializes this kind of field, but it doesn't work either. You know, using the Internet is one of my necessities. It is one of my daily routines in life. It is where I connect to some of my loved ones. This is one of the things I rely on. This is where I do my works, researchs, and the facts I have to be updated from time to time. This is where my business world lives. I already talked to one of your representatives before and she promised me it will be better soon. I even tried raising my voice so that you will know that you are not giving your clients the exact quality and service that we deserve. But does that mean to wait more than three weeks now? Like at this time, I am working offline. How could I finish my task if my freakin connection isn't working smooth? I am keeping my temper low for these past few weeks so please do your job. I might grab your heads and wring your necks then smash it to your satelites. But I don't want to be rude nor evil so please please please fix this problem.

Sincerely yours,
jazmine

...

Thank God it was over. I knew I would win this day. I knew she was super pissed off. I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, she knows I love her so much. There are times that we really need to argue. It's our way of communication. It's our way of plunging deeper in each other's lives. It's not that when we argue, we fight. No, we don't fight. We usually settle things out by arguing or much worse, in forms of debate. I always end up losing because I would much gladly be silent and shut my mouth to cut the story short. But this time, I didn't. I spoke. and I win. I am so sorry, but this time, I know I'm right.

I'm so down. I had nothing to talk to, my dogs are sleeping and my bestfriend is flying somewhere. I don't want to cry myself to sleep, I already disposed a lot of tears this whole day, I don't want to wake up and see my eyes are all beefed up.

Can anyone take me higher?

hello [fiend] friend

My nerves is getting on you. First you tried to hack my messenger account. second, my blogger account. what's next [fucker] hacker? Rot in hell bitch.

Thanks for those people who looked up for me always. Seven back dives and frog leaps to you guys. Thank you so much.

silence

pillows and blanket are good friends. really good friends.
pillows was their baby, blanket watched her all the time.
onetime, blanket stared at pillows deeply. he's falling in love with her.
he chose to be quiet, scared of what might their friends say if they found out.
blanket started calling pillows at home. he sings to her every time they conversed and plays with his guitar.
he had an advantage. he knows what pleases pillows all the time.
blanket's feelings grew deeper, still, he remained quiet.
pillows, sings with him. she enjoys their moments together,
getting used to be with him all the time. pillows fell in love with blanket too.
they both were clueless. kept themselves silent and unheard without knowing that they both fell in love.
blanket disappeared. pillows looked for answers. asking herself why did she fell for blanket.
days passed, months passed, even years.
pillows went to blanket's house for visit. she misses him.
pillows knew, blanket is already taken now. felt hurt, still she remained silent.
blanket proposed. pillows got confused. it's too late now. they can't be together anymore.
pillows disappeared. blanket looked for answers. asking himself why did he let pillows to slip away.
another days passed, even months.
blanket called pillows. he made a way. he missed her so much. and yet, he's still taken.
blanket begged pillows to visit him. she went.
pillows met blanket's girlfriend personally, bed. still hurt, she remained to be silent.
blanket and pillows talked in private. blanket told pillows he still love her.
pillows wanted to tell blanket she loves him too, but she remained silent.
blanket asked for friendship.
pillows accepted, even if it's crushing her inside.
blanket asked for forgiveness. for being coward not to tell her that he loved pillows ever since.
blanket kissed pillows in her forehead.
"I'm sorry i was not brave enough to tell you how much i loved you from the start. i am scared of everything. we could have been happy."
pillows breaks her silence.
"it's ok. i accept it. dreaming and hoping that we could have had a future for the both of us by being together is all we can do. before, and until now"

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

...


family ties

last week. monday. eleventh month. i can now smell the cold breeze coming cause christmas is near.. huwaw. :) i guess, i slept on the right side of the bed last nyt. i woke up early today, prepared my things, fixed my schedule up to sunday. today is really a great day. i dunno why but this is what i feel and nobody can ruin it. last nyt, i had a chit chat little hearty talk with my grandpa. we we're talking about the past, the present and a little dip of the future.

the past. his works. his pains. his regrets. his memories of my grandma- he's first love. that's one thing i admire most of him. he never looked for another woman to replace her. ever since they met, they got together, they even ran away from both of their homes because both parties do not agree with their relationship. if grandma was still alive, they've been married for over thirty years now. it's funny no, despite their arguments, their fights, you would still realise that when you think of something more extraordinary, nothing would ever ever be extraordinary than love. i don't have to explain the reasons cause i know, a person who knows how to love and be loved understands me. :)

the present. he keeps on telling me, to lessen my stubbornness. he always tells me, 'i cannot blame you because you were born a taurean. may people we're born hard headed.' wah. i just do things that i know it's right for me. i just stand to what i decide and do. one thing i always remind them that, i'm already turning into an adult. i do not say that i don't need you guys anymore, but let me experience things i deserve to. let me fall. let me make mistakes. let me realise that life is not meant to be lived for expectations but for reality. let me change my 'own' stubbornness. he will just say, 'hindi habang buhay nandito kami ng mama mo para sayo.' i will just tell him. 'yun na nga da, ayokong masanay baka hindi ako mabuhay.'

the future. ha ha! this is quite funny. grandpa was visualising us. me, achu, ino and karla, kier and my other cousins. he told me, that when mom reached the age of 80, that's when she's gonna have grand kids from me. ha ha. weird huh. then we jumped on the twins. two words for our family. 'we're lucky.' :)

...

ugh. finished taking a bath. drying my hair without combing it. ever felt of something was missing and still you keep looking for some questions yet still not answered. someone inside of me keeps on telling that i have to do something about it, but something is stopping me from doing it. pride. wah. i started to feel butterflies in my stomach. eew. when i look back and think how happy evrything was, i would never imagine things would actually happen as it did. you know the feeling that for you it's perfect even though not, that you know that everything will be ok just take it one at a time, that you know nothings impossible. time is too selfish for us. i have no reasons to get angry with God of what had happened. I know it's part of our lives that no matter what i will do, it would still happen. but i keep on asking why me? why should i get hurt, why i should fall, and why i should have to live like this. i'm just human and i accept the fact that i am only human. it's my life and i am responsible of all the things i have and will be. what will happen would still happen no matter what. i am thankful. but in some part, i hate it.

...

why do you keep on stabbing people behind their backs? haven't you got enough from the misery you did from the past? i can understand your insecurities, but dammit can't you be silent for once? why can't you shut ur own fucking mouth from blabbing those stories which knowingly none of those really happened? you don't have the right to say anything on anyone. none of us messed you up. so stop messing every one's lives. you make your own. your lies. your foolishness. i pity you. really, i do. and as you say, what goes around comes around. let's just wait for your own fate to come. just an advice bitch, think of karma and shut the fuck up!!

I'm so glad mom and i had less arguments these past few weeks. maybe we're both growing.. oh how i wish it'll be forever. and for sure the company of this broadband connection will be getting my negative feed backs soon. for the meantime, before this matter gets into my nerves, hope this serves as a proof that i am different, a monster freak. that's what my friends calls me. whee. :)

JAZMINE MA. YSTRELLA PASTOR BARRIENTOS

. my name's history was taken from a flower, a virgin and a star.
. i was born without a father, and my family used to tell and make me believe that michael jackson is my father.
. i am an only child and the first granddaughter of my family.
. my mom and i used to live inside the seminary for six years.
. my mom and my grandparents used to give me what i want. they managed not to spoil me super.
. i cut my eyelashes when i was eight. my mom got disappointed.
. my mom wakes me up in the morning for over a decade now. she plays songs that i really hate so i would get up.
. my grandma used to put me in her big pan before cooking pastries. it's her own way of luck.
. my family is against me on the matter of having a snake or iguana as pet in the house. i wonder what's their reaction if they found out i already had both.
. i have a guy best friend for over six years now, he used to tie my hair before school in 10th grade, and he's not gay. he gave me a female pit bull for my birthday. she's dead now.
. my eighteenth birthday was a crash.
. my grand mom brought me to edsa during people power revolution. what a nice way to walk a baby.
. i knew i had holiness when Cardinal Sin kissed me in the forehead when i was six.
. i HATE pink colors. it annoys me all the time.
. i am a food critic. i don't deprive myself from eating, nobody can mess with my appetite.
. almost all of my clothes are blue, black and white. i do not follow fashion trends. i wear on my own.
. i don't know how to get mad, but i am easily annoyed and distracted.
. you can never tell how my day was, unless you look into my eyes.
. i can imitate four animal sounds. a dog, cat, duck and a monkey.
. most of my dreams are people with faded faces.
. i can sleep sitting.
. my grade school classmates bullied me.
. i am always invincible.
. i always have comments on everything, but i keep it to myself.
. i would never insist myself of being accepted.
. i'm such a moody monster.
. wednesday would be the start of my week.
. i crave for caffeine more than thrice a day.
. my 'ex' friend dengue used to hang with me when i was in college. i almost lost my life. this is my second chance.
. super affectionate. kissing in the nose is my passion.
. shoulders, smell, feet and wits would steal and attract my attention.
. i had my first job when i was sixteen. it was super memorable. standing in ortigas for hours handing out fliers.
. i never ever find pleasures in eating sweets, and i do not chew gum. ever.
. i get sick in long travels. always.
. WRESTLING die hard fanatic.
. pillows, tasmanian devil and luminous artifacts are the stuffs i love collecting.
. i appeared on a tv commercial twice endorsing hot dogs.
. i gave my application paper to a girl i met during an audition for a tv soap when i was eight. she got the role. she's a well known actress now. it was not destined to be me.
. i take pictures of everything i see. even if it's senseless, even strangers.
. my toys were given to all of my cousins except for my huge barbie doll collection. i think it's still kept in our storage cabinets.
. i sleep when i have nothing to do.
. i keep a lot of stuffs for remembrance.
. i dance and brush my teeth in the shower.
. one of my expertise is to sit down in one place for about half a day just thinking.
. i am not comfortable with stairs and ladders.
. i know all household chores except for washing my clothes.
. indian sitting style is comforting for me.
. i am selfish when i have to. most of the time, i sacrifice.
. my decisions are final, nobody can change it.
. i only reason out when i know i am right. other than that, i choose to shut my mouth always.
. i mind my own business.
. you can judge me, it's your freedom. i don't care what you think about me, as long as i am happy and i do not offed nor hurt others. don't mess with my life. mess yours.
. savings are not meant to be spent.
. if you want to kill me instantly, feed me anything with dairy. i'm lactose intolerant.
. i devote myself to things i love to do.
. roaches and rats are my freakin enemies. ever since.
. my right thumb is double jointed.
. neatness and good grooming is a turn on for me.
. i spent almost an hour and a half in the shower. wishing i would be different when i come out. luckily, i didn't.
. making faces is sweet.
. i'm more into japanese and spicy foods. the smell of garlic inside the mouth is cute.
. making me wait for hours would be your biggest mistake. ever.
. i'm insomniac.
. walking on runway is one of my frustrations.
. i love to cook and make surprises.
. classifieds and articles are the only pages i scan in the newspaper. i'm getting tired of the local news.
. when i'm sad, i cry myself to sleep.
. when i don't like a person, i flash on them. that's bad.
. i prefer to watch movie and shop alone.
. i snore, i sleep with my mouth open. i'm not ashamed of it.
. powder and lip gloss are the only thing i can put in my face.
. sunglasses. even if it's not sunny.
. combing my hair is one of my laziness in life.
. hotel bathrooms, sunset, beach, trees gives me bliss.
. heartbreaks crushes me super duper.
. i am used to making people laugh their heart out.
. good kissing turns me on.
. i still wish on stars. every night.
. i clean my own nails. growing it long is a no-no.
. stubbornness is one of my personalities.

it's reigning Manny.

I am merely not a boxing fanatic but hey I appreciate.



congratulations. you made your fellowmen happy again, at the same time another glory for the country. just do us a favor, if they insist you to enter politics, say two words: "fuck no."

...

Boys are cheats and liars, they're such a big disgrace. They will tell you anything to get to second base... ball, baseball he thinks he's gonna score. If you let him go all the way then you are a hor... ti culture studies flowers, geologist studies rocks. The only thing a guy wants from you is a place to put his cock... roaches, beetles, butterflies and bugs. Nothing makes him happier than a giant pair of jug... glers and acrobats, a dancing bear named Chuck. All guys really want to do is - forget it, no such luck.
you have to live with it. boys are boys. there are only few men in the world.

it's a bit sad. it's not that i don't want to be with you anymore. it's just that i feel now is the right time for you to share your life with others who deserves you like i do. for almost six months of our pure and lasting relationship. you had been with me all the way. you're with me through thick and thin. you had witnessed the drama of my life. you never left me. even if sometimes that i want to be alone, you still insist to be with me. i guess that's what loving is. since the day you came, you never hesitated to share your life with me. you had seen me cry, laugh, decide on things and be stubborn sometime. you never get tired of giving me advices which i can relate exactly to what i feel at the moment. and thanks for forgiving me when i wanted to threw you out in my life and taking you back again.



thanks for being with me all the way, without you, i will be having a hard time coping up in life's challenges and bitchiness. just don't think that i am giving you up because i don't want to be with you or i'm tired of you. i just feel that you deserve another someone to take care of and be with all the way. i know she will take care of you as much as i do. and she will never ever get tired of you. you're a blessing and i will treasure our moments spent together. :) don't worry i'll pay you a visit not regularly but as much as i can

Woke up at 8 in the morning, not bad.. I guess.. Didn't eat anything for breakfast. Recharging for lunch.. Attack!! hehe. Sitting in front of my computer would be my scapegoat for this day. It's not that i don't want to do some of my tasks today, it's just that I want to spend a few of my time alone before heading along the way. Since last week, the my conscience never lets me sleep. I feel stupid that every time I close my eyes, there's this annoying things pop out. blah.blah.blah. Nothing to worry about, pure temptations only. No sin. Better get to shower and get off. Brr..

...

Oh by the way, multiply is my site for some stuffs i'm selling, and is where i keep a photo gallery of my friends, family, strangers, etc.

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And I miss Ralph. Wonder what's he doing now? Wonder if he misses me too..

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"Hard to breathe, feels like floating.So full of love, my heart's exploding.Mouth is dry, hands are shaking.My heart is yours, for the taking.Acting weird, not myself Dancing around.Like the killer elf, finely timed.For this poor shlub, to know how it feels to fall in love..Ü adam sandler.mr deeds.

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A lot of my friends are asking me if I am a man hater simply because for?????? years I am still single and unattached.. what an assumption! My usual reply.. Nah! im not a man hater...no reasons why i have to be one. Its definitely great to be sanely in-love with the opposite sex.(i won't dare argue with that) it's just that, no one captures my heart, soul and mind for that long.. And with all sincerity, I do not mind because I am not in a hurry. Honestly, I am not afraid to be single and unattached for more years... I just know that i will find the one. Again why?.....The most limited season in one's life is being "single and unattached"....as in "not being in a relationship"...its being with thyself only. (we can count it easily with our fingers)just imagine our life scenarios, we have been dependent to our family/relatives from the time we were born till the time comes that we want to be independent. then, normally...we will just found ourselves getting involved with a partner which we call our boyfriends/girlfriends (we are "single yet attached") "dependent again" then, on and off relationships. if something hits off....partners will get married. and from that point on til forever....(for me) lets say i will get married at age between 29 to 40 til the day i die which could be late 70's i think...imagine 41 years of living with someone. (for me, marriage is sacred and i will make it sure that it will be forever)

with that assumption... this is the best time to enjoy my own life while waiting for the next "forever plunge"and the mere thought that i will get married in the future is enough to feel the joy and peace in my heart while enjoying my single blessedness.

im wide awake though it's already 2 a.m. here. my mind is thinking soooo much about my present and my future.im counting the years that i will stay single. 4-7 more years i guess. trying to figure out what will i do in the next 7 more years.... i should be doing the things that i wanna do while im still free... and i only have 7 more years. and the rest of my years will be filled with a lifetime partner. Maybe, that's the exact reason why im not afraid to be single now and carefree....because i can really feel that i will meet my partner in life...i know "he" will come. i only have a few more years to celebrate my single blessedness. and to tell you honestly, its freaking me out (in a positive tone :) )... why? because i know for sure, that i can't turn my back when i get married and say... can i be single again? ( this is the right time to celebrate!) i wanna be a loving wife and mother in the future....but before plunging in----- i wanna be complete first as an individual.... being happy alone...being at peace with myself. ..then in the end, sharing my happiness with my partner.

I lied. I said, multiply would be my official blog site. But hey, it's cool in here. Why don't i give it a try?

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I thank most especially those person who had been inspiring me on all things. You know who you are guys. Thanks again for giving me so much!