silence

pillows and blanket are good friends. really good friends.
pillows was their baby, blanket watched her all the time.
onetime, blanket stared at pillows deeply. he's falling in love with her.
he chose to be quiet, scared of what might their friends say if they found out.
blanket started calling pillows at home. he sings to her every time they conversed and plays with his guitar.
he had an advantage. he knows what pleases pillows all the time.
blanket's feelings grew deeper, still, he remained quiet.
pillows, sings with him. she enjoys their moments together,
getting used to be with him all the time. pillows fell in love with blanket too.
they both were clueless. kept themselves silent and unheard without knowing that they both fell in love.
blanket disappeared. pillows looked for answers. asking herself why did she fell for blanket.
days passed, months passed, even years.
pillows went to blanket's house for visit. she misses him.
pillows knew, blanket is already taken now. felt hurt, still she remained silent.
blanket proposed. pillows got confused. it's too late now. they can't be together anymore.
pillows disappeared. blanket looked for answers. asking himself why did he let pillows to slip away.
another days passed, even months.
blanket called pillows. he made a way. he missed her so much. and yet, he's still taken.
blanket begged pillows to visit him. she went.
pillows met blanket's girlfriend personally, bed. still hurt, she remained to be silent.
blanket and pillows talked in private. blanket told pillows he still love her.
pillows wanted to tell blanket she loves him too, but she remained silent.
blanket asked for friendship.
pillows accepted, even if it's crushing her inside.
blanket asked for forgiveness. for being coward not to tell her that he loved pillows ever since.
blanket kissed pillows in her forehead.
"I'm sorry i was not brave enough to tell you how much i loved you from the start. i am scared of everything. we could have been happy."
pillows breaks her silence.
"it's ok. i accept it. dreaming and hoping that we could have had a future for the both of us by being together is all we can do. before, and until now"

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

...


family ties

last week. monday. eleventh month. i can now smell the cold breeze coming cause christmas is near.. huwaw. :) i guess, i slept on the right side of the bed last nyt. i woke up early today, prepared my things, fixed my schedule up to sunday. today is really a great day. i dunno why but this is what i feel and nobody can ruin it. last nyt, i had a chit chat little hearty talk with my grandpa. we we're talking about the past, the present and a little dip of the future.

the past. his works. his pains. his regrets. his memories of my grandma- he's first love. that's one thing i admire most of him. he never looked for another woman to replace her. ever since they met, they got together, they even ran away from both of their homes because both parties do not agree with their relationship. if grandma was still alive, they've been married for over thirty years now. it's funny no, despite their arguments, their fights, you would still realise that when you think of something more extraordinary, nothing would ever ever be extraordinary than love. i don't have to explain the reasons cause i know, a person who knows how to love and be loved understands me. :)

the present. he keeps on telling me, to lessen my stubbornness. he always tells me, 'i cannot blame you because you were born a taurean. may people we're born hard headed.' wah. i just do things that i know it's right for me. i just stand to what i decide and do. one thing i always remind them that, i'm already turning into an adult. i do not say that i don't need you guys anymore, but let me experience things i deserve to. let me fall. let me make mistakes. let me realise that life is not meant to be lived for expectations but for reality. let me change my 'own' stubbornness. he will just say, 'hindi habang buhay nandito kami ng mama mo para sayo.' i will just tell him. 'yun na nga da, ayokong masanay baka hindi ako mabuhay.'

the future. ha ha! this is quite funny. grandpa was visualising us. me, achu, ino and karla, kier and my other cousins. he told me, that when mom reached the age of 80, that's when she's gonna have grand kids from me. ha ha. weird huh. then we jumped on the twins. two words for our family. 'we're lucky.' :)

...

ugh. finished taking a bath. drying my hair without combing it. ever felt of something was missing and still you keep looking for some questions yet still not answered. someone inside of me keeps on telling that i have to do something about it, but something is stopping me from doing it. pride. wah. i started to feel butterflies in my stomach. eew. when i look back and think how happy evrything was, i would never imagine things would actually happen as it did. you know the feeling that for you it's perfect even though not, that you know that everything will be ok just take it one at a time, that you know nothings impossible. time is too selfish for us. i have no reasons to get angry with God of what had happened. I know it's part of our lives that no matter what i will do, it would still happen. but i keep on asking why me? why should i get hurt, why i should fall, and why i should have to live like this. i'm just human and i accept the fact that i am only human. it's my life and i am responsible of all the things i have and will be. what will happen would still happen no matter what. i am thankful. but in some part, i hate it.

...

why do you keep on stabbing people behind their backs? haven't you got enough from the misery you did from the past? i can understand your insecurities, but dammit can't you be silent for once? why can't you shut ur own fucking mouth from blabbing those stories which knowingly none of those really happened? you don't have the right to say anything on anyone. none of us messed you up. so stop messing every one's lives. you make your own. your lies. your foolishness. i pity you. really, i do. and as you say, what goes around comes around. let's just wait for your own fate to come. just an advice bitch, think of karma and shut the fuck up!!