This is...

Live blogging at Starbucks. I really can't imagine how people manage to study or read here inside Starbucks, with all the noise, loud conversations of different people, whether you're inside or at the chairs outside the store and of course you're surrounded with a bunch of hyper caffeine addicts. And I told myself that why am I so stupid that I ask questions yet I managed to read my mails, take a picture of my shoes and blog here at this very moment. I guess we can do anything we want because we want to do it. Here's a picture of what I am wearing now.

floral huh?! It's cute. No it's awesome.

I planned to sleep early because I have lots of things lined up later. Interview, meeting, interview, eat and meeting. I told myself that I have to sleep early to be prepared later. And now, I am steady relaxed sitting here four in the morning waiting for my dearly beloved shoe God. My love for sneakers isn't discreet to people I am close with. They know how much I love and I value my sneakers. And today, I am proud to say that I will be having four pairs. Yes four amazing pairs. I am so exited, super that I didn't notice that my shoe God is standing beside me. Hehe.. see you in a moment. :]

Six am: I am on the other side of my world. I didn't notice that the cab driver was already at my place because I was too busy staring at my new babies. The joy inside of me is unstoppable that I also didn't notice that I gave the cab driver a bigger tip. That was the first time but it's ok. At least I have new sneakers.

My beach sneakers. I made it personally customised and it's my own design.

My new greens. As replacement for my old one.

This will be having a new owner. :] Take care of this Iish.

My comic sneakers.

And my freedom shoes. I love it super not because it's Bob Marley or some see it as portrays of dubi but I love it because it was so perfect. Every inch and every detail of the design is perfectly made. Even the colors. I'm on a high. I'm exited to wear this later. Thank you so much and I heart you super my Shoe God Franco. :]

...
Shoe Dejavu

Last night, I had a short chat with one of my long lost friend over the phone.

him: Now, what do you want for holy week?
me: New pair of shoes shempre. Kasi nadapa ako eh.
him: [laughing his ass off] Really? What's the connection of the shoe with it?
me: Of course I need new shoes so I won't trip off again. And I heard my old sneakers last night saying he needs to be replaced with new ones.
him: Yeah I even heard that you followed someone from Edsa to Ortigas because she is wearing the sneakers you've been drooling for the past three months.
me: Yeah kaya ako nadapa. I checked it last week, they said that it won't be out unless it's june and I can't believe that she's got one already and I don't.
him: Don't worry I feel something good will happen.
me: yeah I wish. got to sleep now, talk tya' later. Nytie.

-= Phone ringing 3 A.M. in the morning =-

me: urmm. hello? Don't you have any time to sleep?
Franco: Hey, don't tell me you're sleeping now?
me: Yeah, have lots of things to do later.
Franco: Let's meet, your babies are here.
me: Really? Wait for me in fifteen minutes, I'll just change. [the sneaker freak went up in her bed, change clothes from pajamas to jeans, tank to shirt and went to Starbucks without noticing that she looks messy.]

Thursday Love

The day started very nice, even I only slept for three hours. But this day was great for me. My mother left very early for her choir purposes. I cooked lunch, and run some errands I was told to. We went to my mother's friend this late afternoon to get the things she had for her because her husband arrived from Saudi. I was asked to take her position at their volleyball team because she's not interested to play due to her injury last year. At first I was hesitant to accept the invite because I haven't played for a very long time. But hey, I thought since I heart volleyball when I was in high school and used to hide it from my mother [she doesn't want me to play because of her experiences] it would be a nice start this vacation period as well as I can use it as my work out. [badly needed to lose some pounds] So I accepted it and became very exited. I wasn't expecting that the team will be having their practice late this evening so I asked my mother if I'll continue joining the team or not. She said yes, and that was the first time she approved me of something she doesn't want me to do during those past years. And the 'thing' is my mom offered to come and watch me play. That cracked me up. The last time I can remember that my mother watched me do something was when I joined school councils to run a benefit concert when I was thirteen. Hearing my mom telling me that she was coming with me made me happy. Really happy. And I come to realise that after all our arguments in these past few days, she loves me. My heart was so big and felt like exploding because of the situation, I really don't know what's gotten into me that I was really good inside the court big time. Yeah and my team won. I made the last seven points to end the game. That was nice. It's such a great pleasure realising that I can still play good and my beats were still uptight made me feel a little lighter. You cannot blame me because sometimes, when I fail something, I lose hope. But after what had happened this day, I know I can pass anything at anytime. Because my mom is with me and my mom loves me.

"Sabi ng katabi ko magaling yung babae na naka blue. Yung mahabang buhok. Tinuturo ikaw. Di nya alam anak kita."

I love my mother. So much. :]

...

Happy is expecting me to be reunited with him this coming Holy Week. I don't know. I have plans but I am not the only person who will decide on it. I miss him so much too but things are quite complicated as of now. Blame it to the busy ass tasks and preoccupied time. It's been fifty seven days since the last time we spent time together. He really wanted to see me.

Finally it was over

FINALLY it was over and we both decided to have a summer truce. My mother finally decided to speak. After four days of not speaking she caved for our conversation. Maybe she misses our arguments and debates because there are no other persons to argue with her and it's just me, and she misses my voice. Haha.. Nah, honestly speaking, I want to make the first move. I was not born to have a cold heart but to pacify my mother. Also, I wanted her to realise that sometimes there are few things in our life that I'm right and she's not. It was hard. Really. She started to talk to me and tell my new indifference. That I've changed a lot, that I reason out now, that I used to be like this, like that..And now I'm this and I'm that.. cetera..cetera.. I wanted to tell her that she knows me very well that when I say something, I mean it. But I refused to speak and kept myself quiet. I'm just thankful that even though I didn't pass my task to made her realise what I want, at least now we're talking again. Because when it comes to my mother, I will do anything. I can make adjustments and I will make anything possible. And for me that's a good thing.

...

Crying Time?

I am PMSing.. And consider these as one of my worst PMS. My tolerance of pain is quite good but there are much worst things happening. My appetite usually was like raging soldiers who caves for battle and now I'm like a kid with anorexia. Pimple counts was unbearable it keeps popping everywhere in my body. And the worst thing of my PMS now is I cry. Yes. I cry and I can't stop it. I read something that's quite touchy, I cried. I eat something I did like, I cried. I remember something that made me happy, I cried. Even while watching PBB series, I cried again. I just wish my fucking period would come asap so I won't lose any more fluid in my body.

Blog Tag

Jana tagged me. Here's my answers. I'm Tagging all blog users. :]

Two Names You Go By:
1. jaz
2. jem

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1. tank top
2. shorts

Two Things You Want in a Relationship:
1. honesty
2. love. ching!

Two of Your Favorite Things to do:
1. sleep
2. read

Two Things You Want Very Badly At The Moment:
1. viva la P3!
2. eat

Two pets you had/have:
1. dogs
2. snake

Two things you did last night:
1. gamble against bantam
2. thought thinking up to four a.m.

Two things you ate today:
1. none
2. none

Two people you Last Talked To:
1. glydz
2. grams

Two Things You're doing tomorrow:
1.
2.

Two Favorite Holidays:
1. school break
2. birthday

Two favorite beverages:
1. water
2. red tea

Two favorite TV shows:
1. one tree hill
2. miami ink

Two favorite foods:
1. japanese
2. mexican

Two of your least favorite things to do:
1. comb my hair
2. talk

Two things you want to do before you die:
1. make my mom proud
2. love.

...

It's been two days now since my mother and I aren't talking. I wonder what's running in her mind and how long will this last. I wanted to talk to her, but I know it's not my fault. My pride is killing me. Wanted to stay outside grab someone and bang him/her on the floor. Quite violent.

Happy happy birthday Pillows. May you have all the best things in life. 19 ka na. Haha!! :) Million hugs and kisses for you.

Thursday

I missed blogging big time. I feel like I lost contact with Shakespeare but the truth is I just had lots of things running in my mind waiting to be figured out and solved. Things are not heavier compared from my last three weeks. As usual, some people still can't afford to shut their own mouths and keep on doing things that hurt others. I can't blame you..you're too perfect for this world so everybody around you is imperfect and stupid. Blah enough of that crap. If I will keep on talking about [you know who you are] it will be just total waste of my time. it's better to mind my own business.

My mother and I went to a dinner graduation party of a family friend. The celebrant got second place in the school's honor list. All is set. And I am sure I left my phone before leaving. The food was great, the crowd is nice and accommodating, making sure we're properly fed. I got an invite to join for a volleyball tournament. I accepted it with no hesitations or whatsoever. Mom had invited the other kids also to join in the choir. I only got few pictures of the celebrant because I was focused on her lovely boots she wore during her graduation. Not because it's pink, but because the design of the shoe is cute for a five year old girl.

Isn't she cute? And the shoes too. All those feathers and stuffs attached and the little stones. She would be much prettier if she has a different color of the same boots I thought.

It was getting late and we decided to go home. Soon as we arrive I looked for my phone to see if I missed a call or someone sent me a message. The problem is this: I can't remember where did I put my phone. [quite stupid huh] but it's true. Sometimes, i really can't remember where I put some of my things when I go out. the only thing resulted in my mind was to ring it. Sending a message wouldn't work because I always put my phone in discreet mode in message alerts. I borrowed great's phone and called mine. The first few rings I was outside of the house and somebody answered. It was a guy. I really panicked because I thought I might brought it in the party and left it there. I said to the guy who answered that he has my phone and I am willing not to have it back but I need my line. The guy hang up. I called again for the second time, a different person answered the phone. An old lady. She was referring to me that If I was Grace. Who the fuck is Grace by the way? I wanted to tell her "Lady, that damn phone you are using right now is mine. You can have it just give me back my fucking line. And I am not Grace." And again she hang up. I went back to the party and asked if I left my phone or something. The mother of the celebrant said that I didn't brought my phone with me. She was clear to that because I was sitting beside her while we were eating. I called again my number and the same guy who answered my first call answered back. I said if they wanted to have my phone go own it, but my line is really really important. i don't have any copies of what's stored inside. Now, I'm really worried so I decided to go home and tell my mother that somebody got my phone and I don't have any clue how did it happen. The most weirdest thing is, she is holding my phone. She said that she found it placed in the chair near the computer. I was clear whit what had happened. I said to my mother that somebody answered my call thrice. She said that the phone was ringing all along. I insisted and said that I have witnesses that I was talking to someone using my number. I even showed her the records of the dialed numbers stored on the phone and the only number listed was my own number. She said not to think about it anymore at least I have my phone now and I might be hallucinating because of my oversleeping.

I swear somebody answered my call. It's really freaky.

...

scene: I was in front of the computer playing solitaire beside my mother

mom: Do you know that there is a saying that teens and girls who's in their 20's are not advised to play solitaire often?
me: And why is that?
mom: They never get to marry. They become old maids.
me: [laughing out loud] Oh really is that so?
mom: You think I'm joking? I'm serious. Bahala ka.

End of conversation. She really has her ways of encouraging me to get married.

I got curious with the thing my friends were telling about face recognition at my heritage. I got exited and tried which celebrity do I look like.

Beyonce. Oh my.

I saw this video from this awesome photographer. This made me a bit teary eyed today. Damn I miss my friends.

Things are going smooth between me and Happy for the past few days. We finally managed to talk like grown up mature adults [yeah right] and take things one at a time. I just can't understand why does he have to choose from two different situations that he really doesn't have to. It's just so sad. So sad that the person I was expecting to fight for me didn't. Iba talaga ang peer pressure. Pero hello?? I mean how old are you not to stand to your own decisions? [you even manage to fish while I was away. duh] Well, I guess I just have to accept whatever might happen in the future. [as if future na agad bukas diba] Anyway, there are no extra ordinary events in my life for a month now. It's one of the stereotype routines of an ordinary person living her life everyday. but I have this feeling inside of me that I can't explain. I feel that I will be going home at the same time I wasn't. Weird. I just leave it to come what may. Better get fixing myself and hear mass.

...

"Can you believe it ma? At the age of 19 she was married. Too early.."
"OO nga anak, ikaw kaya kelan mag aasawa?"

I've been wandering around the house all night, wondering what the hell to do. I'm trying to concentrate but all I can think of is you. Well the phone don't ring cuz my friends ain't home, I'm tired of being all alone. Got the tv on cuz the radio's playing songs that remind me of you.

baby when you're gone, I realize I'm in love. The days go on and on, and the nights just seem so long. Even food don't taste that good, drink ain't doing what it should.
Things just feel so wrong, baby when you're gone.

I've been driving up and down these streets, trying to find somewhere to go. Ya I'm lookin for a familiar face but there's no one I know. This is torture - this is pain, it feels like I'm gonna go insane I hope you're coming back real soon cuz I don't know what to do.

My mind says I'm not falling in love but my heart says so.

What if...

YOU WERE GIVEN ONE MILLION PESOS?

. definitely rent the place i've been drooling over for about months now.
. put up some business related to computers and gadgets.
. furnish the place am going to rent.
. buy new bed without frames.
. color my hair blue with green strikes.
. buy new contacts so my dependable glasses will be at rest for a while.
. EAT eat eat.
. go to church.
. buy my inaanaks belated christmas slash birthday gifts.
. decide between these options: 1.culinary arts 2.transcription 3.another field to work with.
. buy some things for my mom.
. buy some things for myself.
. put some in the bank.
. get my mom out of what she's in now.
. thank God.

To see you when I wake up, is a gift
I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same, as I do,
is a Three-fold Utopian dream.
You did something to me
that I can't explain
So would I be out of line,
If I said I miss you?
I see your picture,
I smell your skin on,
the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone thirty days,
but already I am wasting away.
I know I'll see you again.
Whether far or soon
But I need you to know,
that I care,
And I miss you.

Relationships need to be nurtured in order to grow. Just like people, when relationships are sick, there needs to be a diagnosis of the problem before
finding a cure. Find out what the symptoms are, try to determine the cause, face it, address it, deal with it, and only then will you be able to make your
relationship a long-term success. As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend, You'll blame a new love for things an old one did, You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back...

Just because my eyes don't have tears doesn't mean my heart doesn't cry..

drama puta.

"Ssshh..Tama na, kaya mo yan.."

For the past few days, I was crying myself to sleep.

I cried. And yes, I cried. But the tears that came out of my eyes were not because of sadness or depression or hatred but pain. Just because I come out strong doesn't mean there's nothing wrong. I was lost for almost four days. Four agonizing days of battling against my toothache. My fucking painful toothache. This is one of the most irritating experiences in my life. It's not that I've never had toothaches before but this time, it's really painful. I feel like all of my teeth will fall from my gums, even my neck and left cheek also hurts. So painful that I end up staying in my bed for four days all day and all night, so painful that I have to put hot water bag in my face every two hours, so painful that I missed big time watching mozzie yesterday at Kublais. And once again, I miss a lot of things because of my toothache. Putangina.